The Battle of the Books
by Fan of Fan Fic
Summary: Lord of the Rings, and The Chronicles of Prydain have a contest, to see which book series is better!


**Disclaimer: None of the characters below are mine.**

Taran awoke with a start. He had the distinct feeling that he'd just been poked. His eyes scanned the dark room for intruders. Nobody was there, at least, not that Taran could see.

"If anybody's there..." he warned "I'll have you know that I am Taran of Caer Dallben, warrior and great swordsman. I have fought along side of Gwidion himself, and I am assistant pig keeper of the magical, mystical, oracle pig Hen Wen. Dare you fight me?"

From the shadows he heard something that sounded similar to a snigger. Outraged and annoyed by this person's laughter Taran repeated "DARE YOU FIGHT ME!?!" Suddenly a figure leapt forward and grabbed Taran by his ankles, hoisting him onto his shoulder.

"Lemme go!" squealed Taran in a very high pitched voice.

"Quiet you fool!" snapped the intruder.

"Never!" shouted the squirming boy. "I am Taran of Caer Dallben! Quick, tough, handsome,..."

One hour later Taran fell to the ground. "...warrior, body builder, calm, wise- uff!" He spat dirt out of his mouth as he looked at the figure who'd dropped him. The sky was just turning a calm pink, and Taran could see that they were in a clearing in a forest.

"Gandalf!" cried an all too cheery voice nearby. "Gandalf it's wonderful to see you again!" Taran gaped as a little child with grotesquely large feet bounded into the tall man's arms.

"You too my dear boy." said the man, who Taran assumed to be Gandalf.

"And what's this you've dragged in?" asked the small one joyously pointing at Taran.

"Oh, this is-" he was cut short by Taran himself, who had never been able to resist saying his name.

"I am Taran of Caer Dallben! Warrior and great-"

"Pig boy..." said Gandalf with a chuckle.

"I am no pig boy!" spat Taran. "I am a pig keepers assistant! There's a difference you know!" Gandalf ignored him and the small one stepped forward extending his hand towards Taran.

"Hello, I'm Frodo, ring bearer and most famoustoust of all hobbits."

Taran looked dubious. "Hob-whats?" Frodo shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He had never really had to explain hobbits to anybody before.

"Well, hobbits are halflings...little people. You know, hobbits." Taran still looked confused.

"Ahem..." intervened Gandalf. "Taran here has never met a hobbit before, Frodo. Therefore he knows very little about them-"

"I have too!" Said Taran indignantly. In truth he had NEVER met a hobbit before, but he wasn't about to be outsmarted by and old geezer and a three-foot tall gummy bear.

Gandalf looked shocked. Had this ignorant little boy chosen to interrupt him? "Excuse me?" he asked, raising his staff slightly in case the boy became a problem.

"I said that I have met hob-things before. They're umm, short, fat and they've got very hairy feet." Taran said smugly, looking Frodo up and down as he listed off these facts.

"Fool of a boy!" cried Gandalf. WHACK! Taran was knocked to the ground by a very forceful blow from Gandalf's staff.

"Taran!" came a scolding voice. He almost groaned. It was Eilonwy. Taran pretended to be dead. It worked for a minute or two before Eilonwy finally kicked Taran in the stomach.

"OUCH!" cried Taran, curling up from the pain she'd inflicted.

"Taran of Caer Dallben!" she yelled. "You are the brattiest boy I have ever met! Why it's like teaching a fish to do the polka!" Taran didn't think him being bratty had anything to do with fish and polkas, but he didn't object. "Now get up and follow me!" she said bossily.

"Yes ma'am." Said Taran getting to his feet. Once they were a good twenty feet from Gandalf's staff, Taran asked "Eilonwy? Where are we? What's going on?" Eilonwy sighed. Dallben really didn't pay her enough.

"Taran! You are the most loony pig boy that I've ever had the misfortune to meet! I swear, it's like buttering a chicken's beak while trying to kick a walnut across the yard!" Taran shrugged, and Eilonwy continued. "We are at Rivendell. We were sent here for a council!" she said excitedly, as they emerged from the woods and into a city. "Hurry up, they're waiting!" she scolded, and quickened her pace. Taran followed eagerly and then immediately recognized a man sitting next to another (but much dirtier) man.

"Adaon!" he cried, running forward.

"Oh, hello Taran." Said the man, looking up. "How are things? I was just telling Aragorn here about my dearest love. Arianllym, Ari for short." He held up a picture of a beautiful woman. Taran was uninterested.

"But you died!" he exclaimed. "How did you...?"

"power of the elves my friend," said the Man who was called Aragorn, also holding out a picture of a woman. "This is Arwen, Princess of the elves. She gave this to me." He withdrew a sparkling jewel from his shirt. "...forsaking her immortality for our eternal love."

Tears welled up in Adaon's eyes. "Isn't that the most romantic thing that you've ever heard?" he asked Taran. Taran raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"Is prince Gwidion here?" asked Taran, trying to think up a good way to get away from Adaon.

"Not yet..." said Adaon, now sobbing into Aragorn's shoulder as Aragorn patted him lightly on the back.

"Oh...well... hey look!" he shouted. "It's good old Elidyr! I think I shall go and talk with him!" Said Taran, running off before anybody could object.

"Hello friend!" said Taran eagerly. Elidyr scowled as he saw the boy approach.

"Friend?" he sneered. "I do not befriend pig boys."

"I am no pig boy!" Taran snapped as he over reacted...again. "I am Taran of Caer Dallben! Warrior and-"

"Yeah, yeah..." said Elidyr, turning to a man Taran didn't know. "Come on Boromir, this is the one I was telling you about." He hissed. Boromir gave Taran the finger, and the two turned and left. Taran stuck out his tongue, but was immediately distracted by another person.

"Who are you?" asked the fair man that stood next to Taran. Taran immediately felt hate towards this stranger. How dare he wear the same out fit as him!

"Who wants to know?" he asked coldly. The man flicked his long blonde hair behind his shoulder.

"I am Legolas Greenleaf of the woodland realm. Now, what is the meaning of this?!?" he gestured towards Taran's green tights. Taran scowled, he just knew that he should've worn his silver robes.

"They are my clothes." Said Taran, stating the obvious. Legolas's frown only deepened. Taran felt self-conscious.

"I'm going to change." They said together, and turned separate ways.

Meanwhile, Gandalf, Elrond and Dallben were all sitting in a big circle.

"Eleindil!" muttered Gandalf. "Where are Dumbledore and Merlin?"

"Uh Gandalf?" Said Elrond. "They aren't in this story.

"Oh..." said Gandalf, and without warning yelled "Fool of a geezer!" and whacked Dallben on the head. Dallben feel to the floor with a loud CLUNCK!

"Gandalf!" scolded Elrond. "You really must control your temper. In less than five minutes people will be joining us for this council thing and we haven't even discussed why we're even having a council! Now, since it was your idea, why don't you explain to me why you invited Lloyd Alexander's pathetic characters into Tolkien's masterpiece?"

Gandalf though for a moment.

"Well?" asked Elrond.

"Ummm..."

"You do have a plan...don't you?"

"Yeah, well I mean, plan may be too general a term. Perhaps..." Gandalf stared at his long gray shoes with envy. Unlike him, they didn't have to talk with Mr. Prissy pants Elrond! "an accusation..." he finished.

"WHAT!?!" yelled Elrond. "That's no basis for a council! You need a reason...a quest or something!"

"Done." Gandalf said Plainly.

"What do you mean done!?!"

"Well, my original plan was to just tell those Prydain characters to think up their own plots, and stop taking ours." Said Gandalf. Elrond slapped a hand over his forehead.

"But..." Continued Gandalf, trying to grab the elf's attention. "Now I think that we should hold a contest. You know, to see who's better. Lord of the Rings, or the Chronicles of Prydain."

"Arrrggghhh!" Elrond glared at his old friend. "You might as well include Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia. Everybody copies us Gandalf, there will be no contests, because there is no comparison. We are the best!"

Fortunately for Gandalf though, Dallben had regained consciousness and announced "I beg to disagree!"

Elrond's face began to turn red. After the first initial shock of Dallben disagreeing with him he said "You're on!"

"Woohoo!" Gandalf shot a triumphant fist into the air and then, embarrassed, said "I mean...er...very well."

The Council:

Taran was glaring at Legolas.

Legolas was glaring at Taran.

Both were wearing silver robes by Versacci.

"Oh really you two." Huffed Adaon, furiously. "We're all wearing silver robes, it's required!"

This, however, only seemed to worsen Taran's and Legolas's moods.

"This is Versacci!" Said Legolas, shooting a glare at Adaon while he fingered the velvet lovingly. Aragorn sighed.

"Nobody can tell the difference!" He said. It was now Taran's turn to correct him.

"Nobody can tell the difference? Are you mad?!? Any idiot can clearly see that the hems are half an inch lower than yours, and the thread is Snow Storm Silver, as opposed to your Rain Storm Gray!"

"And..." Legolas fumed. "...see the tiny micro fibers of this thread? I mean, feel this!" He extended his arm out towards Aragorn, and Aragorn felt it.

"Well?" asked Legolas, as if it should be obvious to everybody what he was getting at. Aragorn raised an eyebrow.

"It..er...feels just like mine." Said Aragorn.

"Arrgghh!" Taran shouted, ready to throw himself into the black cauldron. "no No NO! It doesn't feel just like yours! I spent thousands on this Versacci and you spent five dollars at K-mart, in, I might add, the Halloween section!!!"

"Is this true?" Gandalf asked Aragorn, standing up.

"I had a coupon." Aragorn shrugged. There was a murmur of general okayness, and a few "Good bargain dude, I bought mine for six!"

"Now that that's settled..." said Elrond, raising his hands to show that there would be no more discussion of Versacci. "I suggest that we get down to business!" Taran settled for glaring at Legolas. "As you all know, we are gathered here today, to decide who's better! LOTR, or TCOP!" There was a murmur of confused voices.

"That's news to me..."

"What did he say?!?"

"What's LOTR?"

"Silence!" Dallben had had enough! His head was hurting too much as it was. "If you must know, Gandalf and Elrond have decided to hold contests to see which book is better. Lord of the Rings..."

"That's us!" shouted the LOTR characters

"Or the Chronicles of Prydain..."

"That's us!" cried the TCOP characters!

"Right." Said Elrond. "And so that there are no Biases, I will be Judge."

"WHAT!?" the Prydain folk were shocked. Elrond glared at them.

"Well, if you have any better ideas, the please, by all means, present them!"

"I vote we have a panel of Judges!" said Adaon

"But they must not be from either book." Said Aragorn.

"This is ridiculous!" muttered Elrond.

"Wait!" cried Gandalf. "They're right! And I know just who to get! Why, he should've been here hours ago!"

"What are you talking about-"began Elrond, but before he could finish, Gandalf had vanished.

"How rude!" exclaimed Eilonwy. "Why it's like putting a plunger into somebody's birthday cake!"

"Actually..." said Gwidion, who had just arrived. "It's not." Gwidion waited for a few moments and frowned. He'd been waiting for Taran to jump up and down with excitement, and then scold him for being so childish during a council. But he was sorely disappointed. Taran was...preoccupied. His ongoing battle with the woodland elf was now a silent staring contest.

"So...erm... I'm here." he started, giving a wave to Taran, who ignored it. If he looked up now, Legolas would win. "Okay...I'll just be sitting here..." he pointed to a chair. Taran didn't seem to notice, and sadly Gwidion sat down. "Yeah..."

POP!

Gandalf reappeared with four figures. The first three were Harry and co (No explaining needed.) and the last was Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witch craft and wizardry.

Harry Potter wore a dazed expression. Eilonwy thought he looked more of an idiot than Taran. Though, she herself had never traveled by floo powder into different worlds before. The other three looked just as dazed. Eilonwy giggled to herself. The girl had the frizziest, bushiest hair that she'd ever seen! Eilonwy subconsciously stroked her own long, golden-red locks.

The other boy was tall and had...Eilonwy gasped! Why, his hair was redder than hers! How dare he! She immediately decided to hate that kid (that kid, being Ron.)

"Why...It's like identity theft." She mumbled to herself.

"Now..." Said Gandalf. "Where were we? Oh yes! Here are our judges! Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasel!"

"Um... it's Weasly sir." Said Ron, and was immediately knocked unconscious by Gandalf's staff.

"Fool of an amature!" he exclaimed. "And this is Bumblebee." He clapped a hand over Dumbledore's shoulder.

"More or less." Said the old man, his eyes twinkling.

"They will be our judges." Said Gandalf. "LET THE CONTESTS BEGAN!"

**(A/N: How was that? I hope you liked it. Please review.)**


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